is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
