Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
