so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
