You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
