I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
