She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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