he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
