Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
