please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
