I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
