My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
