you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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