Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
