One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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