Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
