M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
