I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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