I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
