North Korea, Best Korea!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
