sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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