So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
