dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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