And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize