He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
jump out the window naked night went bad
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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