Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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