There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
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I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
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All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.