There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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