I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
