Quick, to the slutcave!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
