I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
