my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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