He had one of those small greek statue penises
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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