There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
