Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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