Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
