I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
