he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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