so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wanna go halves on a baby?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
