I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
