What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
