Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
