Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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