You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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