the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
