Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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