I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
