why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He has the fingertips of a God
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