"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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