I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's not a walk of shame if you run
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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