Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
