That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
