Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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