Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
