you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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