I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
