he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
