Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
