brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
