So drunk, too bad you don't want this
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
