i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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