Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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