Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My ass is underappreciated
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
