I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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