The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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