i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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