Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
