He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
