the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
