My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
