i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
