Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
