One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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